


i changed everything, i had to

by evaneddie



Series: dhylen writes one shots [25]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Other, adhd!mateo, dyslexic!mateo, group hug, hells yeah babey, kind of a crossover i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22624126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaneddie/pseuds/evaneddie
Summary: mateo retells his past to the team and why he's having trouble with exams
Series: dhylen writes one shots [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1433956
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99





	i changed everything, i had to

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a while since i've written anything. i hope y'all enjoy this short bit.

"I changed everything," he mumbles, his voice trembling with each syllable, "I had to. I didn't have a choice."

"Hey, we don't care about your past, we love you for who you are now. You can tell us anything, always." Marjan's voice is smooth like silk, swimming neatly through the warm tension in the air. 

Mateo is more than grateful for the team - his found family - choosing to band together and help him pass his written exams. Passing said exams will mean he's a fully fledged firefighter - with the exception of his one year probationary period, and of course he wants nothing more than that. 

As a kid, he was diagnosed with both ADHD and dyslexia, making any sort of test requiring him to read, write, and sit still a living hell. That's why he got into jacking cars at a young age. It was a skill that didn't require any of those three things, and he quickly found that he was damn good at it.

Until one day when he got busted and tried as an adult.

"Her name is Sergeant Athena Grant," Mateo starts, taking a deep breath to steady himself in preparation for everyone's reactions. "If it weren't for her giving me the time of day and a highly golden recommendation, I wouldn't be where I am today."

TK looks softly up from where his eyes were locked onto his intertwined hands. "What happened, Probie?" It isn't said in a way that's meant to hurt his feelings, but fuck he hates that nickname. It almost implies that he doesn't know what he's doing, showcasing the association of Mateo himself with stupidity. He hates it.

All Mateo wants to do is curl up into a ball and disappear. But he has to get the words out. He has to come clean. "Please stop calling me that, guys," he whispers brokenly. Even to his own ears it sounds weak and pathetic. But it needed to be said. He doesn't often stand up for himself, scared of what the consequences might be, so even something as small as this is a step in the right direction and he needs to remind his brain of that as often as he can.

"Sorry," replies TK, the soft and fond look not faltering from his face.

"I changed my name, I moved states, I even changed my hair. I needed a fresh start." Here goes nothing. "I got into some trouble as a teen, jacking cars and going on joyrides around the city. I had been caught before, but it was only a few stints in juvie and would get wiped off my record once I turned eighteen."

Marjan reaches over from her place at the dining table next to him, and gives a friendly squeeze of his shoulder, prompting him to continue.

"Until I ran from the cops. Evading police was a big deal, and it meant that I would get tried as an adult. This was at the time of the horrific LA earthquakes about two years ago."

He looks down in shame, intently watching his leg jostle up an down and his palms drag across the legs of his pants. If he had just been more cautious and not let them see the personal information section of the form, none of this would be happening. Why does the department need to know if you've had a name change anyway? Can't they figure that out themselves through your social security number?

Paul speaks up this time, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I know a thing or two about hiding from your past, being ashamed of it. But over time I realised that we need to embrace these parts of ourselves, man. You're a good man, Mateo. Nothing you tell us today is going to change that."

The rest of them hum gently in agreement with Paul's wise words, Judd's being the deepest over the others.

"My name was Marvin, and even before everything happened I kind of hated it." He huffs an incredulous laugh at his words before continuing. "On the way to the station, Gergeant Sant," shit, wrong order of wording, "uh I mean Sergeant Grant and I got stuck on a bridge when the first shockwave hit, causing multiple accidents."

"I remember hearing about that," says Owen. "It was one of the worst in years."

Mateo nods. Thankfully he hadn't been injured in the slightest, but many people had, some even losing their homes or their lives. Not to mention the tsunami that hit not long ago. He wasn't around for that one.

"A guy was trapped in his car and it was on fire, but we had nothing to put it out with. The Sergeant uncuffed me so I could assist, and I hotwired a cement truck to use the mix on the flame so it could be put out. It worked. I helped, which is why I got a glowing recommendation from the cop that arrested me." Even now, saying it out loud, it still feels so foreign to him, like it happened to his soul in a previous life.

"Since that day," he mumbles, "I realised that I wanted to help people in that same way all the time. I've made a promise to myself that I would turn my life around and help those in need when they are at their worst."

He debates on telling them about the learning and developmental difficulties he has too, as it may be too much all at once for them to hear. Yet on the other hand, he wants to say it, to get it off his chest and let them make their final decision about him with all of the relevant information. It wouldn't come as a surprise to him if they shunned him from the team, or if they started to give him the cold shoulder. Sure, deep down he knows they are good people, all of them. But with years of experience - and by years, he means his whole life - he knows that many people leave him because of all of this crap, and because of less too.

"And I've taken this test so many times already but I can't grasp it properly. I was twelve when I was diagnosed ADHD and a learning difficulty called dyslexia. I have trouble focusing on the one thing for too long if it doesn't involve me moving around in some way shape or form. I was always told that I was stupid, even by my own parents. By people I barely knew. Owen was the first person to tell me that I wasn't and to actually treat me like I wasn't."

There's a silence eerily sitting over the room, suffocating him like a thick blanket that he can't escape. This is it. It's all over for him, just when he was finally starting to feel like he could really do what he wants in life.

To his surprise, he feels a sturdy hand clasping over the back of his neck. Judd smiles warmly at him, silently telling him that everything will be okay. 

Marjan moves next, placing her hand gently on his vigorously moving one, stopping it in its tracks, and TK grabs the other one.

Soon, they're all around him, pulling him out of his chair and into their arms. It's Mateo's first ever group hug, and honestly? He feels more safe, loved, and seen than he ever has done before. Everyone's arms are encircling one another, and it takes everything inside of him not to cry.

"We're proud of you, kid. I know I speak for everybody when I say that we love you and you're a huge part of our family - this family." Owen somehow manages to reach through the tangle of limbs to slightly ruffle Mateo's hair.

"No more Probie, okay?" Mateo asks. "It makes me feel dumb."

"We never meant for that little brother," Judd grumbles with a smile.

"I love you guys," he says in return. "Thank you for bringing me into the team and taking a chance on me, Pops," he aims toward the captain.

There's collective laughter from everyone but Owen who looks at the youngest of the team with his mouth slightly agape but not offended.

All Mateo knows is that he has a family to back him up now, to help him where he needs it most. Even if they can't guarantee that he will pass his written exams, he knows that it's all going to be okay.


End file.
